Free shipping on international order of $150+
Fast & International Shipping
International click & collect

How to Ask for an Open Relationship

Open relationships are relationships that have a core partnership – typically, two people who are committed to each other – but will engage in physical and/or romantic encounters with other people as well. Unfortunately, this can also rear up if you’re dating other people — even if you are completely up-front about your committed open relationship. It’s important to practice some vigilance in regards to who you want to enter your dating world and only let in people who respect your choices and your main relationship partner. There may be a time in your dating experience when you consider either hooking up with someone who is a part of an open relationship, or you may want to be a part of an open relationship yourself. Before you make this decision, you may want to consider some pros and cons.

It is also important that your partner feels comfortable saying no. You shouldn’t pose opening your relationship as an ultimatum! If your partner is not comfortable with the idea, you need to respect their decision and move forward, monogamously. In practice, open relationships can involve casual sexual relationships in addition to your primary relationship, or long-term, more romantic sexual relationships.

They also note that if you have a hard time expressing your needs and boundaries in relationships, individual therapy can be extremely beneficial. Ethical nonmonogamy isn’t a magical cure for any and all relationship problems. For example, sometimes one partner has come to identify as nonmonogamous while the other hasn’t—but perhaps feels they should embrace nonmonogamy in order to “save” the relationship. There are a lot of reasons why a couple might consider opening up their existing relationship. But what if you start talking about an open relationship and your partner says they’re not ready?

  • “Rather, the person finds his or herself stifled and frustrated, while also wanting to be in the relationship,” Leeth says.
  • We both expressed that we’d have a hard time coming home to each other and looking each other in the eye and kissing each other after one of us hooked up with someone else.
  • An open relationship is a test of communication and trust within a relationship—if these fundamentals aren’t already solid, an open relationship likely won’t work.
  • First of all, you’ll want to make a difference between a definite “no” and “I’m not ready” or “I don’t think it’s a good idea”.

88 years of expert advice and inspiration, for every couple. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime.

While sometimes it is no problem for people, at other times the desire to establish an open relationship or transition from monogamy to polyamory can come with pain and discomfort for everyone concerned. Those seeking consensual non-monogamy can feel shame, guilt, and self-doubt when confronted with a loved one who is suffering as a result of their desire for romantic or sexual open-ness. The monogamous partner might feel inadequate, unloved, or angry that their beloved wants to change the rules of the relationship mid-stream.

Some advice from a person with experience doing it all wrong

It may help to write it down, then put it aside for a day or so and look at it with fresh eyes to see if this is the right approach. Some people will feel insecure when asked about an open relationship, and others may be willing to explore it, but only under certain conditions.

Garbo is a new kind of background check for the digital age.

Opening your marriage will only add complications to an already difficult situation. It was once a taboo concept that couples felt they had to keep private, but times have changed; open marriages have grown to encompass between 4% and 9% of total relationships in continue reading the United States. Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health. We also both have jealous tendencies, so I don’t know how good we’d be at keeping those in check.

In some cases, you may be convinced that you won’t mind if your partner interacts with other people, Leeth says, but when it actually happens, you can find yourself heart-broken. “What is important to remember is that there is no concrete, right-and-wrong, set of boundaries,” Leeth says. Each couple may have different boundaries that work best for them.


Other non-monogamous couples play with outside partners individually — you may have sex with your special person, or your special people, and your partner may have sex with theirs. Sometimes non-monogamous couples make allowances for sex outside the relationship only with certain people or in certain situations .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Shopping Cart (0)


× How can I help you?